I still love you.
I will admit that the reason I broke up with you was because I was scared of opening myself up to anyone. I thought, 'How was I suppose to be open with you when I didn't know who I was?' Was that fair? No. To me it was a horrible thing and it broke me inside and to you....I don't know what it truly did but I do know that you still love me. And I have to say that it still scares me.
The thought of loving another person doesn't bother me. I make friends all the time and I love them. But to have someone who wants to spend the rest of their life with me or who wants to wake me up in the morning and tell me good morning and kiss me goodnight everyday, for some reason it scares me that it is you. My mother told me it was because I like you. She said that I was suppose to be scared and I know deep down she was right. But it wasn't meant to be.
You are a wonderful person and you dreamed of seeing the world in the army and I knew that even in out short few weeks together and long texts into the wee morning hours that you would give it all up for a relationship. I knew you wanted what I did, a love that would last a life time. And so I gave you up. I did it for you. I decided that if I wasn't there that you would go on with your life and do what you wanted. So where in my mind I turned this into a bad plot of a romantic chick flick and for that I'm sorry.
To be honest, I think I gave you up because I was scared that you would ask me to go with you and......I knew I would go. I knew that without a second though I would leave my family behind and fallow you. My heart would tell me that it would all be fine and my brain would fallow. But as soon as I could stop and think again, I would regret my choice. I would feel stupid for going with you and not having anything to fall back on. What would I have? I would be a college drop out with nothing but a man in the army who could leave at anytime. No, my mother may have done that, but it was a different time then and college wasn't needed to get a job. She made my father her dream, but I was a horrible person and could not do that.
I'm truly sorry for what I did to you. And if I could go back and fix it, I would. If I could do anything about it at all I would. But there is nothing to make this better or change it in anyway. And I'm so sorry. I love you...still and I know I always will. More than I should as a friend, but I only meant for the best. No matter how stupid I was at this point in my life. One day when I see you again I will show this to you not just because I know you will ask me why I did it, but because I will need to do this as much as you. All I hope is that this will make it better....for both of us.
I will admit that the reason I broke up with you was because I was scared of opening myself up to anyone. I thought, 'How was I suppose to be open with you when I didn't know who I was?' Was that fair? No. To me it was a horrible thing and it broke me inside and to you....I don't know what it truly did but I do know that you still love me. And I have to say that it still scares me.
The thought of loving another person doesn't bother me. I make friends all the time and I love them. But to have someone who wants to spend the rest of their life with me or who wants to wake me up in the morning and tell me good morning and kiss me goodnight everyday, for some reason it scares me that it is you. My mother told me it was because I like you. She said that I was suppose to be scared and I know deep down she was right. But it wasn't meant to be.
You are a wonderful person and you dreamed of seeing the world in the army and I knew that even in out short few weeks together and long texts into the wee morning hours that you would give it all up for a relationship. I knew you wanted what I did, a love that would last a life time. And so I gave you up. I did it for you. I decided that if I wasn't there that you would go on with your life and do what you wanted. So where in my mind I turned this into a bad plot of a romantic chick flick and for that I'm sorry.
To be honest, I think I gave you up because I was scared that you would ask me to go with you and......I knew I would go. I knew that without a second though I would leave my family behind and fallow you. My heart would tell me that it would all be fine and my brain would fallow. But as soon as I could stop and think again, I would regret my choice. I would feel stupid for going with you and not having anything to fall back on. What would I have? I would be a college drop out with nothing but a man in the army who could leave at anytime. No, my mother may have done that, but it was a different time then and college wasn't needed to get a job. She made my father her dream, but I was a horrible person and could not do that.
I'm truly sorry for what I did to you. And if I could go back and fix it, I would. If I could do anything about it at all I would. But there is nothing to make this better or change it in anyway. And I'm so sorry. I love you...still and I know I always will. More than I should as a friend, but I only meant for the best. No matter how stupid I was at this point in my life. One day when I see you again I will show this to you not just because I know you will ask me why I did it, but because I will need to do this as much as you. All I hope is that this will make it better....for both of us.
