Well another year and a new place.
Alot has happened to me in a short time; I dropped out of college, started up at a new one, moved back home with my parents, started seeing a shrink, made up with an old flame and told him I was still hopelessly in love with him, and am still wishing that some days I could just die.
Its alot to have happen to me in such a few short weeks but I think its all for the best. I have to say that since I moved back home and took the big step and talked with my parents and had a REAL talk with them; I have felt better. I don't know what it is exactly that happened or what did it but, I think I'm happy again. I have to admit though that I had a relapse some time in the early morning. There was a point that I wished I was never here, but that was short. This is nothing new for me to wish for death or wonder if it was my time. But I have to say that the guilt I feel when it happens has gotten worse and that is most likely because of my parents.
I sure wish my Mother would stop treating me like I'm broken though...I wish it was some one else treating me like that.
But even with all this change I have seen some clarity. My friends that I live with, even if they are wonderful people, are all horribly self centered. One decided that even though her "boy friend" had molested one of her own roommates decided that even though they all wanted to help her move on and work through the break-up went back to him and has yet to tell any of us to our face because that would be fighting; even though she is always willing to call fowl on any of us when we even say anything remotely negative.
The second made a horrible miscalculation and ended up pregnant. She has decided that she is going to keep the baby dispute her ex-boyfriends protests and raise the child on her own. But I don't think she realizes that she is not thinking of the child and its needs even now before the first trimester is over and is to childish and self-centered to take care of a child.
Lastly, the third dispute her moral values and love of the world seems to believe that the more she ignores all of her friends problems will go away like they are a cold or something.
And as if that isn't bad enough, none of them never once really asked if something was ever bothering me or even bothered to act like they were listening to my problems; it didn't matter if I had been closed in my room of weeks or had just walked through the apartment door. They just decided that no matter what I did or said was wrong and that gave them the right to yell and lecture me as if they were my Mother.
I sure know how to pick my friends...
