Dear Steve...

I need to talk to you.

I need you to know that I'm not mad. I never was and never will be. I can't be mad at you like you wanted. It was to make it easier, I know that. But this...what happened with us, not talking, is worse. I know I should just be an adult and talk to you, but then...then it will be real.

I want my friend back more than anything, but I can't even think about you without dreaming. I dreamed of living with you. I dreamed of a future with children and happiness and love like I have always wanted. I dreamed of showing you off. I dreamed of having dinners with your family and mine. I dreamed of having brothers. I dreamed of Christmas together, enjoying all of it. I dreamed of nights in cuddled on a couch or walks through the snow. I dreamed of you. Nothing but you and the plans you made.

But I have to stop dreaming. I have to stop hoping that you will be standing on my door step. I have to stop dreaming that you will just show up at class and just hug me like nothing happened. I have to stop hoping that you will see me and just want me. I have to stop seeing you at the movies and places we had gone. I have to give up on the promises you made, even the small ones. I just have to give up.

I have to give up...give up on you. And it feels damm near impossible! I need to walk. I have to take that last step and just stop feeling like I'm tied to someone. I don't want to be weak. I don't want to cry over you. I want to love you. I want you...but I have to move on. I have break the glass and see it is nothing more than a dream. It was something that was never going to work...And I should have known that.
 

You were never mine after all.